


And in time I know that we'll both see

by intherubble



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-27
Updated: 2012-09-27
Packaged: 2017-11-15 04:10:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,129
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/522993
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/intherubble/pseuds/intherubble
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It wasn’t. It wasn’t supposed to come down to something like this. He was supposed to be able to wait it out, to <i>get over it</i>. (the Office <i>Casino Night</i> AU)</p>
            </blockquote>





	And in time I know that we'll both see

It wasn’t. It wasn’t supposed to come down to something like this. He was supposed to be able to wait it out, to _get over it_.

He wasn’t supposed to enjoy helping plan a wedding that he wouldn't be going to (didn’t trust himself to not make some misguided romantic gesture and his life is not a movie and _he was supposed to forever hold his peace_ ) just because it meant watching tapes of awful garage bands with Liam’s laughter as background. He wasn’t supposed to put words to the feeling in his chest when Liam’s hair was soft and curly in the morning. He wasn’t supposed to waste company time pretending he didn’t know how to work a copy machine just for an excuse to stand close and smell Liam’s cologne.

It wasn’t but now he’s standing in a darkened parking lot feeling like he might as well be bleeding out on the pavement.

It just got too much, coming into work every day and seeing the ring on Liam’s finger (the one Zayn didn’t put there), being the one Liam _told_ things (like his secret dreams of singing he’s tucked carefully away), knowing there was a smile Liam had just for Zayn (the one where his eyes crinkled and disappeared) but it was never _enough_ and that made it too much.

“I just.. wanted to make sure you knew. I was _so sure_ you knew,” and Zayn doesn’t know how he thought this would go. Just knew he was taking that transfer and it was so fucking _typical_ Danielle was leaving Liam here alone and this surely wasn’t what she meant by “ _Look out for him._ ” but he was too selfish to feel bad about it. Maybe Zayn just wanted to see if _for once_ he’d be someone’s first choice when everything was laid out.

Instead Liam’s eyes are wavering in the space between them like he’s reading over Zayn’s words, trying to interpret them in a way that won’t spoil all the quiet little intimacies between them. Liam dozing off on Zayn’s shoulder, warm and heavy, in a office meeting and Zayn allows himself to ghost his fingers on the back of his neck, Liam’s pinky stroking over Zayn’s palm in one of his dorky games while Zayn tries not to close up his palm against the tickle, Liam’s high throaty laugh when Zayn grabs him around the middle to swing him in a circle to beat him to the vending machine.

He’s not going to say it again, doesn’t have to because Liam _had to know_.

Liam looks like he might be mad for a second and Zayn wishes he would, would make this so much easier if someone hated Zayn as much as he hate himself. But it’s fucking Liam and he just looks devastated, “Zayn... _Zayn_. I’m.. sorry. God I am _so sorry_.” That’s when Zayn feels the first tear escape the side of his eye _andhefuckinghateshimselfsomuch_ and wipes it away angrily.

“Zayn I’m gettting _married_.” Zayn wants to choke out that he _isn’t yet_ but holds it back, wants to know if he ever had a fighting chance, if he had made his intentions clear sooner, wants Liam to look him in the eye and tell him he wants to spend the rest of his life with Danielle, wants to be able kiss the smile off Liam’s face and especially the frown he has now. Just _wants_.

“I’m sorry if,” Liam looks like he’s on the verge of tears now too, pulling his lips into his mouth and his throat bobbing, “I’m sorry if I ever led you on.”

“ _Stop it_ ,” tears out of Zayn’s throat harsher than he means it too, swiping away another tear, doesn’t want Liam to make their friendship out to be some fallacy Zayn perpetuated because he wanted something out of it, doesn’t want Liam to beat himself up like he did something wrong by caring about Zayn. And that’s what makes Zayn even more selfish because he knew Liam would be guilty over it, think it was his fault for accidentally making Zayn love him the wrong way.

“You mean _so much_ to me Zayn, you’re my best-” Liam sounds desperate, like he’s trying to grasp at something but Zayn can’t listen to it anymore.

“It’s okay. Just _don’t_ \- ,” Zayn shakes his head. “I want to be more than that,” he says it with his eyes on the ground, can’t help the lilt at the end from the held back sob, slowly backing away. He wonders how long it’ll take at the new office before he loses the instinct to look over for an air highfive or a conversation using only eyebrows. Before Liam’s just a dull manageable ache like knowing he’s stuck selling paper for the rest of his life.

He leaves Liam standing there under the streetlamp because he’s done hurting the both of them.

-

Except he isn’t because he somehow finds himself back in the office where he shouldn’t be. He needs to be sure. To know there’s no hope. For Liam to push him away physically and emotionally so the scar tissue can start to form.

He hears Liam quiet and hushed on the phone, voice thick like he’s been crying, “I don’t know, Niall... he’s _my best friend_...I-no. Yea...I-I think I am.” Then he’s stuttering out rushed goodbyes when he sees Zayn standing there, shoving the the phone back on the receiver as Zayn comes towards him slow, gives him time to run.

But he doesn’t, just swaying back slightly as Zayn’s arms slip around his waist to gather him close, kissing him so Liam can’t hide from the _I’m in love with you_ he’d confessed. Liam’s hands go to his shoulders and Zayn thinks he’s going to be pushed away, savors the stolen seconds of Liam’s lips on his. Liam whines sounding _broken_ and his hands are on the sides of Zayn’s face, soft like Zayn is delicate and breakable but he wants to touch. Liam kisses him back and it’s everything Zayn’s thought it would be, Liam’s chest broad and solid against his own, his heart hammering in his throat. Zayn’s back bends with the force of Liam leaning into him and then their mouths are separated and they’re just breathing into each other’s space, Liam’s eyes cautious and wary on Zayn’s face.

Zayn can’t be here when Liam tells him it was a mistake, wouldn’t be able to handle it, so he slips away without a word because he knows this hasn’t changed anything, just sealed the impossibility of him getting over Liam.

But he can wait now. Could wait for the rest of his life because he knows he’s supposed to spend it with Liam.


End file.
